I was in our house, except it was suburban and looked different and later became someone else’s house. I sat in front of A.’s computer and was about to look up a bus schedule when his chat window popped up with a video chat call from this woman he knows, J. The reception wasn’t very good so she couldn’t see me or hear my voice, so she didn’t know I wasn’t A.

J. started taking her clothes off and touching her nipples. She was licking herself like a cat. ‘Oh no,’ I thought. ‘I love cats. This is going to ruin cats for me.’

In the dream I knew that A. had recently gone to see J. perform in a play. I muffled my voice, already disguised with the bad internet connection, and asked about the play while she was naked and touching herself. She said that she usually doesn’t take her clothes off in the play, but she did that night because I (A.) was there.

Twice! I was shaking with anger. I had been suspicious of her all along and felt vindicated and betrayed. At that moment A. walked in. I yelled incomprehensible mounds of anguish and shock, aware that my meditation instructor last night had said that mindfulness is the opposite of panic.

His voice was cutting, saying it was not a big deal, and he walked out of the house. I followed him out. At this point in the dream the house transformed into J.’s, and she was walking up the driveway to come home. I punched her in the stomach and she collapsed on the ground. Everyone (suddenly there were others) crowded around her to see if she was okay, myself included. I felt uncertain and guilty, defensive for punching her.

A. was furious about my violent outburst and went back inside to lay down on what was now her bed, in the same room his computer was in previously. He lay with his back to me and wouldn’t speak to me. I powerlessly tried to get him to leave with me, to come home, but he refused.

Here I woke up, sad and confused. The phone rang. It was my mom, asking if I wanted some avocados, she had extra and they would go bad.